Big Feelings: your toddler at 21 to 23 months
The feelings arrive at full size before the words that could hold them.
Between 21 and 23 months, many toddlers feel emotions faster than they can name them, so tantrums often become a daily event. Most sleep 11 to 14 hours in 24 hours across one nap and a long night, use 50 or more words, and are starting to join two words together.
This stage can feel like a personality change, and it is easier to sit with once you know what is driving it. The part of the brain that plans and calms is still years from finishing, while wanting, noticing and objecting have all arrived at full strength. Your toddler is not testing you on purpose. They are running a new emotional system with no brakes yet.
Big Feelings at a glance
Typical ranges for 21 to 23 months. Every baby moves at their own pace.
| What | Typical range |
|---|---|
| Age range | 21 to 23 months |
| Typical sleep | 11 to 14 hours in 24 hours, naps included |
| Wake windows | around 5 to 6 hours between sleeps |
| Naps | usually one, about 1 to 3 hours |
| Words spoken | often 50 or more, two-word phrases emerging |
| Tantrums | common, and many toddlers have at least one a day |
| Meals | three meals plus one or two snacks |
| Active play | at least 180 minutes a day, spread across the day |
What may be happening
Body
- Walking has become running, though many toddlers still stop and turn clumsily.
- Many can kick a ball, walk up stairs holding a hand, and climb onto furniture that felt safe last month.
- Hands are steadier, so many toddlers stack around six blocks, turn single pages, and pull off their own shoes.
- The canine teeth and first molars are usually through, with the second molars often following across the next year.
Brain
- Vocabulary often grows week by week, and many toddlers start joining two words, like more milk or daddy shoe.
- Understanding runs well ahead of speech, so many toddlers follow simple instructions long before they can say them.
- Pretend play appears in short sequences, such as feeding a doll and then putting it to bed.
- Sorting and matching become interesting, and many toddlers line up shapes or group toys by color.
Connection
- Feelings arrive at full intensity, and many toddlers have at least one tantrum a day.
- No and mine become constant words because being a separate person is a new idea.
- Many toddlers hold themselves together for other caregivers and fall apart with you, which usually means they feel safest with you.
- Early empathy shows in small moments, like bringing you a toy when you look upset.
Sleep at 21 to 23 months
Most toddlers this age sleep 11 to 14 hours in 24 hours, usually 10 to 12 hours overnight plus one afternoon nap of roughly one to three hours. Bedtime resistance is common now that your toddler knows they can object. Big feelings during the day often show up as harder settling at night. A short, repeatable wind-down of the same three or four steps tends to help more than a longer one.
| Sleep | Typical range |
|---|---|
| Total sleep in 24 hours | 11 to 14 hours |
| Night sleep | usually 10 to 12 hours |
| Naps per day | one, most often after lunch |
| Nap length | about 1 to 3 hours |
| Awake between sleeps | around 5 to 6 hours |
| Night wakings | still common, and usually brief |
Eating and mealtimes
Eating often becomes less predictable around now. Growth has slowed since the first year, so appetite is smaller and swings from day to day, and many toddlers reject foods they loved last month. Three meals with one or two snacks suits most, alongside around 16 ounces of milk a day. Offering two or three good options and letting your toddler decide how much to eat tends to shorten the standoffs.
- Around 16 ounces, roughly 480 ml, of whole milk a day covers most calcium needs, and much more than that can crowd out food.
- Three meals plus one or two snacks on a fairly fixed schedule works better for most toddlers than grazing.
- Refusing a food once does not mean disliking it, and repeated calm offers work better than persuasion or bargaining.
- Whole grapes, nuts, popcorn and uncut hot dogs remain choking risks at this age and are best cut small or left out.
Questions parents ask
Why is my 22 month old suddenly having so many tantrums?
Because the feelings have arrived before the language and self-control that would manage them. Around this age many toddlers want to do things themselves, notice when they cannot, and have no other way to say so. Pediatric guidance describes tantrums as normal at this stage, often daily, and usually easing as speech improves. It is developmental, not a discipline failure.
How long does a toddler tantrum usually last?
Most are short. Pediatric guidance puts the usual range at roughly two to fifteen minutes, with the majority over within a few. Length matters less than direction. Tantrums that are slowly getting shorter and less frequent across weeks are on the expected track. Ones that are getting longer, more intense or more frequent are worth mentioning at your next appointment.
Should I ignore a tantrum or comfort my toddler?
It depends on what is driving it. A toddler who is tired, hungry or overwhelmed usually needs closeness and fewer words. A tantrum aimed at getting a specific thing is often best met with a calm, unchanged answer and less attention on the behavior. Either way, staying nearby and steady is what teaches regulation over time.
How many words should a 21 month old say?
Ranges are wide. Many toddlers have around fifty words by their second birthday and start joining two together, but some have far more and some fewer. Understanding matters as much as speaking. If your toddler follows simple instructions, points to things you name and is adding new words, that is usually reassuring. Losing words is always worth raising.
Why does my toddler behave for everyone else and not for me?
Because you are the safe place. Toddlers often hold themselves together at daycare or with grandparents, then release everything the moment they see you. Pediatric guidance describes this pattern as a sign of secure attachment rather than a problem with your parenting. It is exhausting to be on the receiving end, and it is also a compliment.
More questions about 21 to 23 months
The things parents actually search for at this stage. Tap any question to open it.
Is it normal that my toddler hits me when they are angry?
Yes, hitting is common at this age. Many toddlers have the impulse before they have the brakes, and hitting is often the fastest way to say I am furious. Blocking the hand, naming the feeling and moving on tends to work better than long explanations. It usually fades as language grows, though that can take months.
Why does my toddler bite other children at daycare?
Biting at this age is usually about frustration, crowding or wanting something, not aggression. It is common in toddler rooms because words are still slow and toys are shared. Most settings respond by staying close, naming the feeling and redirecting. If it is frequent or escalating, ask your provider and your pediatrician to look at the triggers together.
Should I worry if my toddler throws themselves on the floor in public?
Not usually. Dropping to the floor is a very common tantrum shape at this age, and public places add noise, waiting and overstimulation on top. Moving somewhere quieter and waiting it out is often the safest response. Other people's reactions are not a measure of your parenting. Injury during tantrums is the part worth raising with a doctor.
How do I get my toddler to calm down without giving in?
Lower the input rather than adding to it. Fewer words, a quieter spot and your own steady breathing usually do more than reasoning, which a toddler brain cannot process mid-tantrum. Hold the limit but stay warm. Giving in after a long protest tends to teach that length works, which often makes the next one longer.
Is it normal that my toddler only says no to everything?
Yes. No is one of the first genuinely powerful words a toddler owns, and using it is how many discover they are a separate person with opinions. It often peaks between around eighteen months and two and a half years. Offering two acceptable choices, rather than yes or no questions, can reduce how often it comes up.
Why does my toddler cry when I cut their sandwich the wrong way?
Because the picture in their head is very fixed at this age, and any change to it can feel like a real loss. Toddlers are busy building expectations about how the world should look, and small breaks in that pattern genuinely upset them. Offering the choice before you cut, rather than fixing it afterward, often prevents it.
When will tantrums stop?
For most children they ease during the fourth year. Tantrums usually begin around twelve to eighteen months, are most frequent between two and three, and become much less common by four as language and self-control catch up. Daily tantrums after four, or tantrums that are getting worse rather than better, are worth discussing with a doctor.
Is it normal that my toddler holds their breath when crying?
Breath-holding spells happen in some healthy toddlers, usually during pain, fright or a hard cry. A child may go pale or blue and briefly go limp. They are frightening to watch. Because pale or blue spells and fainting can have other causes, tell your doctor about any episode so it can be properly checked.
How do I handle a tantrum when I am driving and cannot stop?
Safety comes first, so keep your eyes on the road and pull over when there is somewhere safe to do it. Until then a calm voice, quieter music and fewer questions often help more than negotiating. Many toddlers protest car seats because being strapped in removes control. Never unbuckle a child in a moving car.
Why does my toddler suddenly refuse to sit in the high chair?
Refusal at this age is usually about control rather than food. Many toddlers around two want to choose where and how they eat. A seat at the family table, a smaller portion they serve themselves, or a shorter meal with a clear end can help. Appetite also naturally dips once growth slows after the first year.
Should I use time out with a 22 month old?
Most guidance suggests time out works better a little later, once a child can connect the pause with what happened. Before around two, calm removal from the situation, naming the feeling and redirecting tends to be more useful. If you do use it, keep it very short and end with reconnection rather than a lecture.
Is it normal that my toddler wakes screaming at night after a busy day?
It is common. Full days, new skills and big feelings can all surface at night, and being overtired often makes settling harder rather than easier. Most of these wakings are brief and settle with quiet reassurance and low light. Frequent screaming wakings, or ones with pain or fever, are worth a call to your doctor.
How few words at 22 months is a concern?
Speak to your doctor if your toddler has fewer than around ten to twenty words, is not joining any words by around two, is hard to engage in back and forth play, or has lost words they used to say. Ranges are wide and late talkers are common, but early assessment costs nothing and support works best early.
Why does my toddler want me to do everything and then push me away?
Because two opposite needs are running at once. Toddlers this age want independence and still want you close, and they cannot hold both at the same time yet. Asking for help and then rejecting it is a normal expression of that split. Staying available without forcing either option usually shortens the loop.
Can teething make tantrums worse?
It can. Sore gums, disturbed sleep and general discomfort all lower a toddler's tolerance, and the molars arriving across the second and third years are often the hardest. Teething alone does not usually cause days of misery. High fever, diarrhea or a child who seems genuinely unwell is not teething and should be checked.
When to check in with your doctor
Willo is a parenting companion, not a medical app. If something feels off, ask.
- Talk to your pediatrician or health visitor if your toddler is not using any words, is not joining any words by around two, or has lost words or skills they had before.
- Ask for advice if tantrums are becoming longer, more frequent or more intense over months rather than easing, or if your toddler often hurts themselves or other people during them.
- Get medical advice about any episode where your toddler holds their breath, goes blue or pale, or loses consciousness, even briefly.
- Say something if you feel constantly angry, flat, or frightened by your own reactions. Your mental health belongs in the same appointment, and you can raise it without being asked.
Walk Big Feelings with someone who gets it
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Sources
- NHS. Temper tantrums
- American Academy of Pediatrics. Emotional Development: 2 Year Olds
- American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Child Sleep Duration Health Advisory
- ZERO TO THREE. Toddlers and Tantrums
Last reviewed 2026-08-24. Ranges are typical, not targets.
